The Great Christian Persecution—Feat. Deluxe Martyr Package!

"Christianity is under siege in America!" declares President Donald Trump, a man whose church attendance rivals Bigfoot sightings. In a nation where 70% identify as Christian, Trump has unveiled a task force to combat the rampant anti-Christian bias plaguing the land of dreams. Leading this crusade is Attorney General Pam Bondi—because nothing says 'defender of the faith' like a seasoned politician.

 “Being persecuted in America as a Christian is like being the only billionaire at a country club and complaining about membership fees.”

Many argue this initiative is as necessary as a screen door on a submarine. With Christianity's pervasive influence—from "In God We Trust" on currency to churches on every corner—one might wonder where this persecution is hiding. Perhaps in the same place as Trump's tax returns?

Supporters, however, insist that Christians are the real victims here. They point to policies on abortion and gender identity as direct attacks on their beliefs. Because, of course, allowing others to live their lives freely is a clear infringement on one's right to impose moral standards.

The Great Christian Persecution—Now With VIP Seating!

This task force aims to identify and rectify any anti-Christian actions, ensuring that the majority feels adequately protected from the minority. It's a bold move in a country where megachurches rake in millions and religious programming dominates airwaves.

Actionable Insight:

Feeling persecuted? Perhaps it's time to form a task force. Annoyed by pineapple on pizza? Task force. Upset that oat milk is taking over your favorite coffee shop? Task force. In Trump's America, no gripe is too small! Critics say that this task force is about as necessary as a lifeguard at the Sahara Desert—just another shiny distraction to keep Trump’s base entertained. Meanwhile, some Christian supporters insist it’s long overdue, dramatically clutching their crosses as they claim the Biden administration has been waging a holy war against them—not through outright persecution, of course, but through the far more sinister tactic of not prioritizing their every demand.

Call to Action:

It's time to stand up against imaginary oppression! Join the movement to protect the majority from the terrifying influence of diversity and inclusion. After all, nothing says 'land of the free' like ensuring everyone thinks, believes, and acts the same.